Chapter five

Sophie's pov

As I approached our apartment, the aroma of evening meal wafted out, filling my nostrils. I paused for a moment. Gazed at the humble abode that held so many memories. My heart swelled with anxiety and fear. If I lost my job, how would I provide for my mother and pay the rent? This apartment was more than just a roof over our heads; it was a symbol of our struggles and triumphs.

I took a deep breath, tried to shook off the turmoil brewing inside me. Pulled out a small mirror from my purse, checked my reflection, and adjusted my hair. I needed to appear perfect and composed, for my mother's sake.

As I pushed open the door, my mother's warm smile greeted me.

"Welcome home," she offered.

She was busy setting the table for dinner, her apron stained with traces of cooking oil and spices.

I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat. I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my day, about the mess I had created. She didn't know, and I wanted to keep it that way. My mother had always looked up to me, relying on me to fill the void my father had left when he walked out on us. I had given up my dream of becoming an artist to do the work she wanted.

"Go freshen up and come out for dinner. I prepared your favorite," she said.

I forced a smile. As I walked into my room, the chaos I had left behind that morning stared back at me.Clothes, shoes, and other belongings littered the floor, a mess that seemed to mirror the state of my life. I began to pick up the scattered items, tears streamed down my face.

Memories of that fateful night eighteen years ago flooded my mind. The night my parents' argument ended with my father walking out on us. The night that changed the course of my life. I remembered the feeling of helplessness, the confusion, and the fear that gripped my twelve-year-old heart. My mother's words echoed in my mind.

"I'm sorry honey, you had to witness that. Even though I have lost him, I'm happy I still have you."

Guilt and regret washed through my body knowing that I had been living a lie, hiding my true self from my mother. The pain and fear I had been carrying inside for so long threatened to consume me.

"How did it come to this?" I whispered to myself.

I thought about my mother, about how she would feel if she knew the truth. Would she be disappointed? Would she still love me? The thought of hurting her was unbearable.

I felt to the ground beside my bed. The clothes I had picked up still clutched in my hands. The pain and hurt I had been holding inside finally overwhelmed me, I couldn't help but let out a sob. I was drowning in my own tears, unable to catch my breath when a knock came at my door.

Quickly I wiped my tears away, trying to compose myself. But before I could even get up, my mother had already entered the room.

"Did anything happen today?"

She asked as she drew closer to me, her eyes scanned my face as if searching for a clue.

I shook my head, trying to play it off. But my mother was not convinced.

"I hope this isn't about another relationship breakup?" she pressed on.

Her guess made me give a weak smile. Anyone who knew me like she do will guess so too. I remembered how devastated I had been the last time I broke up with my boyfriend. I would always cry out my eyes whenever I'm inside my room. Couldn't eat nor function properly.

"You still remember?" I asked her, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Of course, I do," she replied, her eyes filled with warmth. "I even still remember the day you were born."

"Hm..."I nodded.

"Hurry up, get changed and come out to eat," she said, her voice firm but gentle. "Right now, you need all the energy you can get to fight against that."

She gestured towards my tears, and I knew she was right. I needed to be strong, not just for myself but for her too.

I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and got up. I knew I couldn't keep my secrets from her forever, but for now, I just needed her love and support to get through this difficult time.

As we sat down to eat, my mother's words pierced through my soul.

"Life is unpredictable. Learn to always move on when it's getting tough."

I couldn't bring myself to tell her that my problem wasn't about a failed relationship, that it was so much more complicated than that. I remained silent, nodding along as she continued to speak.

"To cure a poison, another poison is needed. To heal a broken heart, another relationship is needed. What do you think?" she asked, her eyes filled with a knowing glint.

I forced a smile, agreeing with her, but inside, I was screaming. How could she think that a new relationship would fix everything? Didn't she understand that my heart was shattered into a million pieces, that I was drowning in my own despair? Knowing her so well, she must have had a plan. One that will be against what I want.

But I dare not say no to her. I couldn't disappoint her. So when she mentioned Frank, my childhood friend, I knew what she was getting at.

"You want me to go out with him?" I asked.

"Yes, would that be possible?" she replied.

I nodded, feeling like I was trapped in a never-ending nightmare.

As I lay on my bed that night, the sound of thunder and rain outside mirrored the turmoil within me. I cried.

The lightning illuminated my dark room, casting eerie shadows on the walls. I felt like I was living in a dream, a never-ending cycle of pain and heartache. One I don't know how to escape.